Mark was the kind of guy who while being a literal leech to every person he interacted with, pranced around like his shit just didn’t stink. Nevermind that the stench of him permeated with such vile grotesqueness, not even the pope could stomach a whiff. When I first met this guy, he bragged about being independently wealthy, a real cocksmith, and the undiscovered heavyweight champion of the world. He only had one hardship, despite his mental superiority and physical prowess; he was unable to find good weed at a good price. So this is why he came to me, I happened to be one that found things.
He decided to court me and my boy Jason. It seemed like an effort to try to get the real price and a solid in. For a few weeks we rode his jet ski’s, cooked out at his condo on a private beach, and smoked the dope he’d paid for. I was waiting for Jason one day, to pick me up so we could go pick up our order. My pager went off, and go figure it was Jason letting me know; he was running a bit behind. I put in a phone call to Scott (The Great Ape), just to make sure he didn’t getting cranky. I always dug The Great Ape, Scott was the guy who told me; “There are really only two kinds of drug dealers, those that don’t use forklifts; and those that do.” What a great philosophy. Needless to say he was a busy man and would get cranky if you fucked up his mojo. He said if Jason, didn’t show within two hours; I should head there regardless. I paged Jason 20 minutes, before I had to leave for Scott’s house. He finally called back and said “Sorry man, I’ve been at Mark’s house; have you met up with Great Ape yet?”.
I explained to him, I was just getting ready to leave in 5 minutes. He asked me to swing by Mark’s house after, and do him a solid. Fucking with him, I asked him what was in it for me; his reply stumped me. He said “I’m sure Mark’s wife will suck your cock; its for her, hell she’s been sucking mine all day.” When it hit me I was half way to Scott’s house, like a light bulb flipped on; he wasn’t fucking around. Shit was about to get interesting, I just knew it. Jason was prone to getting us into trouble, one of my favorite things about him. When I got to Scott’s, he comes out to my car and climbs in, and announces I’m taking him to Taco Bell. First though, we were gonna smoke the fuck out. Scott had trouble rolling a joint, the only way he could do it was to attach four papers together; so he was used to smoking about an 8th in each sit in. That is why we called him “The Great Ape”; dude was monstrous in size; and smoked more dope than the entire staff at Hanna-Barbera combined.
So Scott tells me he talked to Jason this morning, and chuckled that Jason has been pounding Mark’s wife for the last week or so. He continues on to tell me, that according to Jason; Mark is not the one who is wealthy, rather it is his wife who has the money. Apparently she asked Jason, if Mark had been cheating on her; and he told her he had in fact been doing so, and bragging about it after. Which I knew to be fact, Mark was always bragging about rubbing his cock into his wife’s mouth; right after having ‘nailed’ some girl 2 doors down. The Great Ape and I settled up, had some tacos; shortly after that I got a 911-911 page from Jason. I dropped Scott off and headed over to Mark’s house. When I got there, she had convinced Jason to pack up Mark’s stuff into a U-Haul, and they wanted me to help break all the shit she had bought him. We started with his jet skis tossing them against the sea-wall over and over again.
When the fun was over, we went inside so I could settle up; and we could get the fuck out of there. I told her what she ordered, I usually charged Mark 1200 for, but in light of her letting us break some shit, I would take 200 off of it. She handed me 1500, and said it was Mark’s allowance for the month; and she didn’t want the smoke. Just then Mark came home, and had apparently noticed the U-Haul with jet ski bits surrounding it. I sat back in the chair chuckling as I watched things get all ‘Melrose Place’. Suddenly Mark was standing over the top of me, screaming in my face. I kindly reminded him, none of this was really my problem. I wasn’t the one fucking around on my wife, I wasn’t the one fucking his wife; and the shit I broke belonged to her and she’d asked me to break it. He stopped for just a second and started going after Jason, so I stood up between them. Now he was back in my face.
“You think you’re all big and bad don’t you”
“You aren’t as bad as me motherfucker!”
“You better sit the fuck down TC (with some emphasis on it), or I’m gonna crack your fucking skull.”
I just laughed in his face. I told him he didn’t have the sack to hit me, but if he wanted to start something; he would be measured. He backed down, and Jason and I left. Jason kissed his wife on the way out. This left Mark and his wife firmly at each others throats as we exited the building. When we got back to Jason’s house, he started telling me how things had gone down in the week prior. Right then my pager went off, it was Mark. I called him back, evidentially it wasn’t enough to motivate him to punch me over Jason fucking his wife; but now he knew I had his money and he had no weed. He claimed he was coming for me now.
I never saw Mark again. Now he was just another bit of fiction like the rest.
The smell of the gasoline was kind of making me nauseous. This wasn’t normal for me, I think maybe my nerves had pumped too much adrenaline into my system. Up till now, I’d never done anything this serious. Pocketing shit, fights, some public defacements, a few fires, smoking dope, and skipping school; it isn’t like I’d really thought any of that shit out. Things sometimes just happen. Most everything I had done was on a whim. This though, this was different; so many things were contingent upon this one act. It wasn’t so much about the cash I stood to earn; I was a messenger entrusted to be heard loud and clear.
Looking over at Daniel, I decided to go back over the plan with him. Shit had to run like clock work, and there was no fucking way, I was going to jail. We’d been boys for a few years now, and this wasn’t some corner-store bait and snatch; so I checked myself. I started thinking about D’s integrity. If this thing was gonna back fire, it was not going to be on me; I’m a big picture man, a natural strategist, and worst of all I am methodical. I knew D was wreckless enough to do the deed, I never questioned his competence in that aspect. What I wondered about was where his loyalties lied. What if shit did take a turn for the worst, would it be every man for himself? I could see that being a very logically derived conclusion; self-preservation prevailing.
I remember just as we were walking up to the car, Daniel stopped for a second and said “T… We are brothers right?”. It seems, I wasn’t the only one taking stock. I looked him square in the eyes and said ” I gotcha man, besides I make this look easy…”. I busted the window out, and he immediately started dousing the interior. As we started walking away you could already smell that ‘burnt wire’ scent. I started thinking to myself, this would’ve been so much better; had there been an explosion. That really didn’t matter though, regardless this sack of shit’s ride was gonna be blacker than; the line out the door on ‘All you can eat Tuesday’ at Sonny’s BBQ.
The best part here was that this douche bag had it coming to him, at least from what I had been told. I always fancied the term “honor among thieves”, this was a prime example of why. It is better to take your licks and feign ignorance to anyone else being involved. There is always someone willing to fuck up your day for a tennis ball canister full of Indigo and a few hundred bucks cash. In fact some might do it for less. I understood that your ‘name’ or ‘word’ was all you had in this life. Nobody likes a spineless coward, and actions have consequences.
Turns out Daniel kept his mouth shut, the crackling of dancing sparks above the tree line; was the last I ever heard of that night. In time, I would find out that even your closest allies; may at some point forsake any pact you’ve made. They may choose to act without that ‘honor’, they may even get themselves put in prison for 30 years to avoid paying the piper; their day will come regardless.
You gotta love fiction…
Everyone is born into this world with the notion that we are not perfect, only this notion; does not come from inside of us. Society gives us this ideal image of a ‘person’ for us to model ourselves by. Religions, governments, parents, siblings, extended family, and peers push it on us; fuck, they demand it of us! Everyone else has their own idea of how you should think, behave, and what you should value; especially when it in some way involves them. Now we could debate the need for these models, but I think there is something far more telling and intriguing to examine. The belief paradox.
I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg; I suspect they’ve always held a temporal superposition. This is because one extreme seems to be the cause of its opposite and vice versa. I suspect that why we hold others to a standard, is because we were held to that standard ourselves. I also suspect that why we hold ourselves to a standard, is because others hold us to a standard. We believe the standard set, is the correct one; because it seems rooted in simple logical axioms.
Do not lie, because you would not want to be lied to. Do not steal, because you would not want stolen from. Do not kill, because you want to live. Do not cheat, because you would not want cheated. We weave together a construct of idealistic behaviors with little regard and appreciation for the value of divergence or imperfection. We bolster high, an imagined self (person); one in which we are in deep identification with. We imagine, when the moment comes for any particular ‘situation‘ we will act in a manner consistent to these logical axioms; more often though we surprise ourselves. What we find is that we act instead towards, what some have deemed our nature. Nature however is not unmovable, in fact it functions on principles of conditioning. Trees and plants grow towards sunlight, water, and minerals and are conditioned to which direction they can draw the path of least resistance.
At this point, I think it is necessary to introduce a premise of importance to this evaluation. My friend and colleague, Jason King has stated to me on several occasions; that “All knowledge, rests on the shoulders of a supposition”. All things considered ‘fact’ can be deconstructed to a level in which we can only draw a logical assumption. Once again I find no necessity to debate the validity of this argument for belief. Instead I wish to point to the paradoxical nature of belief and knowledge, as once again I find a patterned recurrence. The temporal superposition held by the two, feeds one into the formation of the other, and vice versa.
Still what can this mean for the existence of our imagined self, and our natural self? Do they even hold some separation? If we are to imagine that we would dislike a particular ‘thing‘, and we then by means of supposition refuse to engage it; does that offer a logical evaluation? Do we truly know this ‘thing’ to be without benefit? Yet we are encouraged to let the things we believe shape our natural self. In fact, I see a lot of would be philosophical movements pressing the idea that belief is reality.
“We are mind and body: if mind and body (inasmuch as they
belong to the world of maya) are false, how can one hope to achieve
through them that which is true?” Strictly speaking, the extremist
Vedantic doctrine of maya would therefore deny to the individual
the very possibility of elevating oneself toward the principle, since
such a possibility presupposes that between these two no hiatus
exists (a relationship between not-being and being), but rather a
certain continuity. – J. Evola – The Yoga of Power
The above quote from Evola, delivers a razor sharp assessment of the matters being discussed here. If everything is an illusion, how then can we evaluate ourselves and the world abroad? If belief is reality, then why when I believe that pigs shit rainbows and airplanes; do I not see pens full of prism-ed aircraft? Mind you, we must still deal with the paradox; which presses its head so violently into this puzzle.
As a note of side thought, Evola makes mention in “The Yoga of Power” that the doctrine of maya is drawn from the principle of an unchanging absolute. Furthering by stating that any thing outside of that absolute can only be illusionary (he is examining the Vedantist position). This boldly contrasts everything I’ve come to expect from ‘fact’ and how it takes form. Pointing back at Jason King’s assertion, we see a mirror opposite emerge. This emergence is the basis of formulation for The belief paradox; which is expressed as such;
All knowledge, rests on the shoulders of supposition, therefore belief must be the basis of reality; if reality is whatever we believe, how can anything truly be known?
My examination then leads me to a particular line of thinking. There are real and present manifestations; which are both uncompromising and completely malleable. The Slyman recognizes the conditions within them, in which can be manipulated to his own ends. To achieve this, he must endeavor to truly know them; suspending all belief in favor of knowledge. Through this knowledge he escapes the paradoxical imposition of standards upon self, enacting the organic self; abandoning the path of least resistance. To know thyself is almost as difficult as it is to be thyself, this is why we Work.
January 28th of 1985 – The all-star cast of USA for Africa records its egalitarian mega-anthem “We Are The World”. A young couple is walking out of a cinema, having just seen; Star Trek III. Yes, indeed, the air wreaks like a youth group camping retreat filled with interlocking hands and unity songs. Just 13 days prior, Tancredo Neves was elected as the new Brazilian President ending its 21 year military rule. 5 days later, President Ronald Regan was sworn in for his second term. Later that year Regan will sit down for the first time with Gorbachev. The first Nintendo game system is released, complete with Super Mario Bros. Calvin and Hobbes appears in 35 papers. Microsoft released Windows 1.0. The peace sign adorns most ‘pop’ merchandise and accessories. People far and wide are bombarded with a constant media exposure to two ideas.
Terror was the first of these ideas. The Cold War, Japan Air # 123, The quakes of Santiago and Valparaiso, and the UK’s National ‘Glow-Worm’ Day are exemplary evidence to support this idea. Civil unrest, cultural tension, and the threat of a nuclear world war; flow constantly and are ever present in television, radio, newspapers, movies, music videos, and comic books. It seemed as though all of humanity had finally opened their eyes to the brutal nature of the world. The bleeding hearts cried loudly for equality, the religious zealots preached fire and brimstone, and Coca-Cola fans protested to get the original formula back in production. Society was paralyzed by the fright of what cruelties our fellow man is capable of.
The second of these ideas, the undercurrent of the first, was either directly featured or the assumed logical solution for the abhorrent state of the world; Unity. Interestingly an multifaceted allegorical representation of this idea exists; 1985 was the year the GNU Manifesto was written. Stallman got it on some levels, but the software community back then was relatively small. Imagine if the whole world was in fact reflective of open source software. Suppose we all started off as this kernel of a person and then small modifications were made to our functionality, and finally we were given different aesthetics; would we not still be the same as the rest? After all Ubuntu and Fedora are still both Linux based, just repackaged and accessorized differently.
Strangely however, this does seem to be the case. Perhaps we are content in our individuality being surface deep. We are taught that prejudice, intolerance, immorality, and many other potentially beneficial modes of thinking are wrong; this forces us to make modifications beyond their debugged kernel. You will see this repeat on many different levels, and it always points back to the same idea. We here at Eminent Mind might even be no better; but we are striving to be different. We recognize that sociopolitical pressures force a certain debugging process to our core self. The GCr mandates behavioral and cognitive protocols. The Puritan Mandate and the Assimilative Automation are two of such protocols which are counter to the natural Calling and Intentional Considering.
You are expected to comply by the order of Assimilative Automation. We are convinced that we cannot exist outside of the system. You must be participatory, and should you choose not to be; well we all know they’ll slap you right back in line. To forward this agenda, we are constantly encouraged to do 3 things; reestablish, conform, and be compliant. History shows that for people in lower social classes the best strategy is communal living. Living in the extended family (clan) gives reinforcement of security and resources, yet we are told to go off to college and then settle wherever a position opens in the particular field of training you’ve received. In the event you establish in your home town, certain factors will always arise to break a part the clan unit.
Employers will offer the opportunity for advancement at the cost of relocation. Regulations are placed on how many people can occupy one building, and how many buildings can occupy one piece of land. In 1971 another factor was put in place that also continued the dilution of community, Swann v. Charlotte-Mecklenburg Board of Education the Supreme Court ruled unanimously that forced busing of students may be ordered to achieve racial desegregation. Which in 1985 was nearing its peak. Not only was this forcing cultural conformity, but because of the difficulty parents were having with distance of schools from their residence and layered times different grades would start and end; it was wearing on the harmony of the traditional nuclear family. Creating a feeling of alienation from heritage and family, an insurmountable detachment; left what little security and reliance had remained vaporized.
Songs like “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, “We Don’t Need Another Hero”, and ” Jungle Love” saturate the airwaves of 1985 running rampant on the billboard. At the same time a team of executives are discussing the viral success of the then 4 year old MTV. Never before had it been so easy to commercialize popular trends. What would come next was the result of a century long thrust.
To Be Continued…
From this, we are given the impression; that everything is hinged together in a logical sequence of events which accidentally produced man. The universe is nothing more than a senseless systematic chain reaction that is blind and without purpose to the logical. As we attempted to accurately detail the processes and mechanisms of the universe, we fail disastrously to take into account in our calculations; conscious experience. We cannot capture the meaning of perception, nor depict the nature thought. The abstract and mental system of mathematical symbols is void of human experience, spirituality, and creativity.
Let us examine this through a specific lens. From a particle level to the perceptual level, man is built up from small groups working together. Like pixels to the picture, the evidence of man’s own emergence is undeniable. In this perception every phenomenon is situated in its relationship to others, and comes from a ‘Current’ (field/dimension) of energy.
All our thoughts, our feelings, and every movement of the body is the manifestation of a specific energy. In our mindless state, that current is constantly swelling and flooding. The endless focus and blur that happens as we shift from thought to feeling to sensation creates a fluctuating series of impulses. We deceive ourselves by calling those impulses “me” or “I”. It creates a wall of illusion professing it is acting of will power and independence. As one desire is crystallized and then either fulfilled or dismissed, it is quickly replaced with another. We become slave to a pattern of contradiction in which there can be no continuity of intention. We are undoubtedly, accepted or not; all a piece of a larger reality. As slaves to this reality, we succumb to the Puritan continuity of intention. Intuitively we sense this but mistrust the value of intuition.
Continuity of intention is recognized by the Slyman as Calling. Calling can be an amazing tool of transformation. When used consciously it can unlock the doors of transformation and allow us to create our Eminent Mind. However it bears the potential for greater evils of the psyche.
In the article The Relative Nature of the Concept ‘Freedom’, Mr Jason Sorrell brilliantly casts ‘need’ (the catalyst of ‘I’) and the slight-of-hand sorcery that comes, when we do not actively pick which impulses to consciously experience. Mr Sorrell handsomely demonstrates that the level of dependency on the fulfillment of our needs through the system is directly proportionate to our level of ‘freedom’. The assertion is that in order to participate within a system, you must conform to a certain standard (morality). That standard is usually where your contributing value is defined. Sorrell waxes it much better than I do. So I would suggest reading the previously linked article.
Scientifically we are defined as an organism; a form of life composed of mutually interdependent parts that maintain various vital processes. It has been my contention (in previous writings) things… happen, and this occurs on scales of marginal proportioning; but this does not exclude peculiar commonalities shared by things on marginally separate levels. This is why I, so often marvel at the wisdom of the enneagram, we wish to perceive a direct connection (line) between two seemingly opposing/similar points on different levels; its wisdom show us this is not the case. Let’s not trail off, on Sacred Geometry; we need only borrows its influence.
Life composed of mutually interdependent parts that maintain various vital processes. When placed in the context of a worldly sense, is indicative of society. The symbolic perception suggests, that we can then develop these types organism; just as we can develop our own beings.
If by living deliberately we can emerge a stronger being in physicality, mentality, and psychology; why then can it not work socially? Live deliberately… Emerge!
The way my life is run, currently, will never be enough. I want out of this slave pen. I think my path is taking me there, but at the same time I can’t help wondering if I’m really just scuttling from one end of the cage to the other (the side with the better view). What will it take to truly be free? What qualifies as good enough?
Immediately I want to say that true freedom happens only when we can precede in any direction desired without obstruction. However problematic it seems for freedom to become a reality, I cannot with clear conscience ignore a reoccurring observation I have made. Every person I have ever asked this one simple question, has answered it the same. “Do you have a sense of purpose?”, in every instance the response has been to the affirmative.
From the Materialists who believe all things are deterministic, to the Creationists who claim divine Will, and every shade of thinking between each has the idea the we have a role. Rightly so, who can honestly deny that we impact the causal; with every breath we draw. From what I have also gathered, another commonality observed is our quest for this ‘calling‘.
Even more impressive is that this happens on many scales, with an almost eerie congruence; we see one behavior manifested on marginal levels of scaling. I remember being completely fascinated, when being informed that a piece of glass; was in fact not in a truly stationary state. Imagine, over just a few hundred years; what was once a completely level surfaced window, will be thicker toward the bottom and thinner at the top. I marvel even more at the molecule and the mechanical manifestation of material.
One morning swimming at a spring, I started thinking about the current I was walking against. My mind drifted to maps of ocean currents moving, I thought about how it resembled the moving air streams above, everything seeming in motion. It then occurred to me that we use this type of analysis in second nature. I realize none of these are new ideas, it builds a sufficient platform for what I propose might place this square in alignment.
I won’t suggest I have any undeniable truth or solution, but I have some hard-pressed questions to which could open the doors to real answers. If we feel hungry does our body not call to be nourished? If we need sleep do our heads not lean towards the pillow? Say we are addicted to a cigarette, do we not have driving cravings? What happens when your sex drive, cannot be satisfied; do you not boil with frustration? Is it not possible, a woman’s compulsion for chocolate; mirrors the flirtatiousness of Le Femme Fatale ( Our Lady Fate)?
Not to labor the our point of reference unnecessarily, I have but two questions more and my closing.
If we should have meaning (subjected to the filling of physical and psychological needs) , yet be able to to affect the casual to the point of holding responsibility; are we not then mandated by the health of our being to tap our potential? This of course demands an honest analysis of priorities, structure, philosophy, process, and ideals; none the less no man is just born, they’ve all grown. Growing is difficult on some levels, but all must do so together. What then can we say is our true obstructions, and how can they be removed?
Freedom is progression without out obstruction. Without Will or Calling we collapse into happenstance; no different than the currents of the ocean or winds of the air. Though we surely will never be free of Influence, we can choose which currents, on what level; to ride. Live deliberately.
I begin today, as I began any day before, with the notion that nothing around me seems natural. I don’t mean I was uncomfortable in my home, rather that so much of our lives is a forced existence. Some might argue that this ‘world’ we live in has come about a natural occurrence. I would remark that just because you can stick the barrel of a revolver firmly up your arse and discharge it, does not make it a wise idea. Why are we expected to just accept it as status quo ?
Why in our minds, do we make excuses; claiming things such as “I’m one man, what can I do about it?” I often hear folks say, ” The system isn’t perfect, but what would work better? The grass is not greener on the other side.”; to which I address with “For some any grass is greener than the grass they’ve been chewing on for so many years”, “Show me where I can go and not be forced to participate under tyranny of some form or the other.”. I further this by asking if such a place does not exist, if I cannot find a system of my liking, what then are my options but to forge one?
Is it not tyranny, when you are forced to conform to the ethics and principles, subjected to laws and standards of a particular region; simply because you are born to it? Even if one exists that meets the measure of your sound reason’s judgement, what is the reality that you’ll ever make it to the ‘land that has promise’? Will the economy be friendly enough to allow for your departure from it? Will your current country allow your departure from it? Will the favored country welcome you with open arms? Can you give up all the people which you hold dear to you? Should you be the one forced to uproot and go?
It seems perfectly reasonable to me, that when contrasting these questions with the Slyman’s perspective; knowing not only the proper sequence of emergence, but what is of organic phenomenon and is purely artifice; we might come to a grim reality. Men lack accountability, man has always done so. History exists purely to justify the wrongs of mankind. Man has, is, and will continue to do very reckless things. We’ve learned how to dupe ourselves and it helps us sleep at night. We refuse to look at the bigger picture, as we judgingly point our fingers at our neighbors, coworkers, and families. Mommy did not hug me enough when I was little, so its ok to be chauvinistic.
It is as if, a long time ago someone penned your glorious tragic comedy; with brilliance to suit your role. You proudly take stage left and curtsey on your cue. Maybe you are satisfied to make due with your lot in life. What if I am not? Would you argue that I should use the system to change it? What if that system is failing? How can one expect a favorable outcome from a system that fails to see every man and woman within it secured and stabilized? What does it say for that system? Why are we forced to accept ‘good enough’?
Click the link above… Kinda makes sense that you would have to inject yourself with HIV to be cured of cancer. Who would’ve thunk it…. ;P
Some time ago, men feared an otherworldly phenomenon, the psychonautic acquisition by a specific type of siege; possession. Men, women, and children all would have this peculiar occurrence from time to time. As happenstance might have it, in most cases it was mistimed and out of sync with the world; but in a few cases it ushered in a new aeon. It was thought to be brought on by invocation, ritual, spell, or contact with something that had been touched by the devil. There were places that held malefic footprints. Things you saw, smelled, heard, or touched were tainted with malign and waiting to infect the mortal. Sinking in to the deepest part of man, veining itself and choking out the Puritan roots. Commandeering that which makes man most divine; his mind.
Some men become possessed by the spirit of Hasatan, and become adversity. Others are possessed by Baal, and rise up from enslaved unto lord; master of his own rite. The men possessed by Azazel, are enraged they carry the consequences of other men’s transgressions. Each spirit begins a notion, as experience gives it strength it becomes an idea. As the idea is filled with passion and zealot it becomes a spirit. As that spirit entangles with our essence, we become influenced by it. That act of influencing is possession.
Men who profit by racketing through fear, perpetuating ignorance, and endorsing faith over reason; have demonized such spirits. Because their potency cannot be adulterated, they are quickly grafted and encode in their host. A viral toxin of primal essence of man before he knew subservience. A residual impression of our nature before we bought into conformity. When men knew no limits to their potential.
The Dark Horse wields these ancient archetypes. Through his study of XA, he has mastered each possession and now knows how to possess. He knows when to possess and who to possess. Just as those men have insisted, he invokes them through rituals and spells, though they are not what they’ve been made to be. Just as once the mist was laced with ideas of spectral properties, and later understood by sciences. So must the possession thin its veil of mystery. I look forward to the days once again of spirited men.
China 2004, I was sitting across a table from the Vice President of the multi-million dollar fireworks company I worked for. We had just finished satisfying our most carnal desires and had settled in for brandy and a cigar. Before this journey, it was my belief that this gentleman was not fond of me. Some years prior, I had stated my opinion of errors I had noted with the company to him. He did not seem to take my criticism well at that time. I began questioning him as to why he had asked me to take this trip, in consideration of my harsh critique.
He began rambling about his brother’s (his brother owns the company) sons and that they would surely run the company into the ground when they inherit it. He talked about how his brother had given and continued to give them anything and everything they wanted. At this point, I wondered if this was all the brandy talking, I soon found out it was not. He said, “They just aren’t hungry!” He began telling me of all kinds of underhanded and tactical things that his brother and he had employed to get to where they are today. He then said, “We were hungry, you’ve got to be hungry or your perspective dulls.” His insistence was repeatedly on this ‘hunger’ giving a person an edge. The hunger motivated them, forcing them to be creative and struggle towards over-coming every obstacle they cross.
He then made it known to me, “This is why you were selected; you’re hungry. I knew from the moment you opened your mouth that day; your interests were not in vulgarly complaining about our methods. You were seeking improvement which would benefit YOU, and just as much as it did us. This is what my nephews lack and what is vital for ANYTHING to succeed and grow.” From there our conversations shifted from serious to more of what we would try next, since we could have anything we wanted.
That year, I received over $150 dollars a week in raise and a considerable amount of attention within the company. For the next few years, I spent a lot of time flying back and forth between China, Corporate, and business related conventions. Every year, I received a considerable amount of increase in salary. Then suddenly it stopped, no longer was I being groomed to be at the top of this company. What had changed?
One evening, as I set at home pondering all of this, I realized I was no longer hungry. I looked around at all the toys and gizmos. I saw the 500 an ounce bag of ‘dro’ and the expensive bottle of liquor. All the things, I just had to have to keep up with the Jones’. This was a particularly bad time in my life; my obsession with material gain had manifested a monster of problems, which I could not seem to fix. My son’s mother and I were on the out. It was any day coming she would be leaving and with my son. So many of our arguments were because I would spend my time ‘making money’ and she felt I had lost sight of what was important.
To be fair to myself, I honestly sought to better the lives of our family. I had however become too comfortable. Understand that I am not placing this as the sole reason for the complexities of problems I was facing, but it WAS a dominant Influence of them. Tsun Tzu advocated that an animal (or man) backed into a corner, would fight fiercely for his life and surmount unthinkable feats. I had forgotten this. So much of my time spent investing in ventures, which I only half-heartedly wished to succeed, that I was blind to the things, which surely make men great.
This is why I choose a minimalist lifestyle. I keep only the things, which matter the most to me and indulge only in the things, which I see a more developed gain. I threw away or gave away everything which I had no need for in my life. In my eyes, they were mere symbols of laziness and comfort, lulling me back into a sediment condition.
When asked, “Why people choose to live a life of wanting for nothing”….
I answer, “”When the only thing you are, are the social status symbols you’ve gathered, it speaks volumes in itself about how empty and useless you’ve become.” I will further this by saying “In a world full of gluttonous sheep, too busy chasing the next high, feeling, fad, and Ithing (IE.. IPhone) to realize they are enslaved by it. I am YOUR Adversary!”
“But the whole point lies in being sincere with oneself. And this is by no means easy. People do not understand that sincerity must be learned. They imagine that to be sincere or not to be sincere depends upon their desire or decision. But how can a man be sincere with himself when in actual fact he sincerely does not see what he ought to see in himself? Someone has to show it to him. And his attitude towards the person who shows him must be a right one, that is, such as will help him to see what is shown him and not, as often happens, hinder him if he begins to think that he already knows better. “ – Gurdjieff “In Search of the Miraculous” Chapter – 8
Open your eyes, if only for a breath. What state is the world around you in? Where then do you set within it? Were you hoodwinked into believing if you worked for anything you could have it? Did you push all in when you thought life had dealt you a solid hand? Was your faith placed in the system? Did you believe should you suffer an injustice, there was a system there to protect you. Were you lost in naivety, comforted in the idea that all you had to do was lead a honest life? Did you meet the axiom that life is not fair? Were your wounds soothed by whispers of retribution exacted by a democratic government?
Can you blame anyone but yourself? Do you have the fortitude to admit, from where you stand you are eclipsed by an insurmountable entity? Do you tell yourself, you are but one man against an empire; what change can you create? Where would you even begin? Can you really beat them at their own game? Are you strong enough to remain separate and focused while completely submerged within the influence of the Puritan machine? Will you rise to the top?
What changes would you implement? How would it be better? What ideas could bandage this sickening parasite? Can you even think on a level so much greater? Would you seek world peace? Would you quest for your fellow man? Would you save him from himself? Would you teach the world to sing in perfect harmony? Would you elevate others to the same level? Would you be merciful to those that would seek to harm you? Could you show pity and remorse? Could you raise another above yourself? Would you lay your life down for someone? Should you be the sacrificial lamb? Does the good of the many really out weigh the good of the one? What if the good of the one is necessary for the good of the many? Who gets to decide all of this? Will someone else decide it for you?
I’ve embraced my nature for the lion’s share of it. As I became aware of my own nature, it was unveiled to me; as I read through the pages of the Satanic Bible. That moment of recognition, that moment of identification, has been described by others to be something of an Epiphany. For me this holds true as well, but it also was something else. It was my Initiation into esoteric tradition. However it would not be the last, I would have of either; Epiphanies or Initiations.
Esoteric tradition often carries a stigma. It is believed by some to hint to some hidden, secretive, and fantastical inner circle of those who are ‘in the know’. While this may hold some grains of truth, it is believed that to gain this state of ‘in the know’, one must subordinate themselves to some (self) appointed teacher. This couldn’t be more false. I’m sure some of you are familiar with the fact that the word ‘esoteric’ is derived for the root word ‘eso’ meaning ‘within’. What you may not be familiar with is this; it is my contention that language is a barrier for mankind. I work from the idea that words really only mean one thing, but the perspective placed upon it can make it seem to mean another.
What I mean is that esoteric knowledge is formed from the rising of an idea from ‘within’ that is tempered by science and philosophy; until it has forged a near perfect edge. That does not come from the mouths of would be mystics, holy men, prophets, or ancient traditions. Esoteric knowledge; explores subjective, scientific, and philosophical ideas. LaVey contended that Satan demands study, in lieu of worship. These two ideas seem akin to one another.
Esoteric knowledge demands its Initiates to seek understanding;
No faith is required, faith of any kind is opposed to the growth of it. An Initiate must satisfy himself of the truth of what he is told. Until he is satisfied he must not act. Teacher’s require faith, promising they will bring you to a place of understanding. So often though, we are brought to a place that is opposite of where we thought to end up. There are many reason why this has come to be. The teacher may think that he knows something, when in reality he knows nothing. He might have been taught by another teacher, who in his turn was mistaken. He may deceive consciously. Those are only some of the more dramatic reasons for this to have arrived. For even under the right teachings, from a honorable teacher; the Initiate must still come to the understanding and give it merit.
Enlightenment is trust in the power of human reasoning. When you are enlightened about something, you trust that you now know the reasons for it. For this reason enlightenment almost always can be found hand in hand with esoteric tradition. It is thought to arise from the its practice; this is truth unbridled. Enlightenment is different than an epiphany, in that it is not instantaneous. The Initiate must work through it. Often suffering whatever vehicle of injection it is taken in by. Understanding cannot be found within memorization or surface level correlations that are drawn.
Pure experience (pe) is the rawest of instructors, however it is nebulous in nature. If we were to think of pe as rich,fortified,and fertile soil and an idea as a seed; we find a beautiful analogy for the journey to enlightenment. The seed that we hope to grow must be planted at the precise place, at the appropriate time, using the correct tools, and under the correct conditions. The appropriate time is after the soil has been properly prepared and the season must be favorable for promoting growth. Once planted this seed will have to endure all of the elements in an attempt not to be snuffed out from existence. The process I am describing and using here is conceptualization. Alone the development of concept is comparable to the lesson of the teacher, holding all the same dangers and pitfalls. Should this concept be invoked and then left to the elements and be prove to weather them; we’ve cultivated a realization the might withstand the test of time.
This is the intent of esoteric tradition. This is why I contend my identification as a Satanist, was an Initiation into esoteric tradition. This is also the bulk of the reasoning, I have concluded; there can be no external ‘teacher’ in the classical sense.
When you have school ‘spirit’, you emulate characteristics thought to represent that school. When you have a ‘spirited’ debate, it is because you are arguing a position you hold that gives it ‘spirit’. When your ‘spirits’ are high, we are talking about manifesting an emotional state that is euphoric.
If understood properly, it is describing a trans-formative state of a physical material. When I more properly examine it, it seems to hold qualities comparable to ‘infection’. I’m given the impression that this describes a type of possession. Spirit seems to be acted through or itself act through.
I then can understand where the muddling of ‘spirit’ moves into a ‘super natural’ stigma. A disciplined mind then makes the distinction; we are not describing a non-material thing. Rather we are isolating the force enacting on a material thing for the purposes of examination, discussion, and experimentation. No bogey-men required.
Given you accept the premises laid out in the above few paragraphs; Spiritual Satanism is emulating characteristics or manifesting traits thought to represent Satan. Existing as the ‘spirit’ of Satan.
My final thoughts in this analysis, point to the potential of ‘spirit’ to be the vessel of infection; The Memetic Carrier.
First, I think it is important for me to define the Universe. I see the Universe as the totality of all objects and phenomena existing, having existed, or coming into existence within all Space. When considering what the nature of the Universe is, it is natural for me to look to the materials and forces which compose it. I find it reasonable to assess that study of the components and their characteristics can give us insight to the whole. Since I cannot know all that exists, I cannot know the full nature of the Universe. I can however become familiar with many aspects of it. The Universe contains a creative/destructive/animated entity governed by principles and effects. These principles and effects are subject to variation in sequence, yet can seem unchangeable in isolated examination.
A simple demonstration of this is the force of gravity. Gravity as I understand it is a constant pull toward the surface. A stone when examined by itself, seems constantly structured maintaining the space it occupies. One quality of the stone is that it cannot be broken by sand. You can pour all the sand over it you’d like, the rock will remain unscathed. Drop that same stone from an airplane on to the sand and tell me, does the rock still hold the same quality? Application of a different sequence and the addition of a force (gravity) will surely have changed the quality possessed by the stone.
Does it have a purpose? It certainly does, though some maybe extremely disappointed in what that purpose is. It stands to reason some may also be extremely satisfied in its purpose as well. So what is that purpose? The Universe is here to give a place for the existence of the materials and phenomena within. I’ve often felt this is a silly question with a very obvious answer. The purpose of the Universe and all contained within it is to exist.
Is the Universe evolving or devolving? This is a false dichotomy. The Universe holds a super position and contains both properties in their own proportioning. Things accumulate and things degenerate, guided by happenstance. Certainly you can determine a succession by examination of probability factoring, however you’ll always face a margin of error.
Does it function by itself? Is there “Intelligent Control”? Aren’t they two in the same? This section of the question really fails. It fails in understanding that phenomena occur because the conditions are right in it doing so. I define Intelligence as the capacity to learn, reason, understand, adapt, and establish relationship. This is a constant flowing through all phenomenon. One might look at the process undergone in rain as an example. Imagine the effect should the clouds not release the moisture after reaching critical density. So many systems are dependent upon (including the cloud system itself) the rain falling, how can it be anything less than intelligent for it to fall.
Life for man exists in time, and in that we know; that man has times. There are those times when man has met the darkness of nature, and all seemed threatened, perished, or devoid. Man walks through times, when there is nothing remarkable. Every so rarely a moment is born, and for a short time; we bask in the Rays of Jubilee. A length of time has passed, and it is as if the puzzle was clear. When we reap, the soil gives as if the moment was perfect; not too soon. A ripe harvest and dinner of celebration. A toast is drawn in quest of appreciation. Appreciation of the weather, for giving just enough to stay within our know how. The same kinds of appreciations are due to all the influences in play. Let the reapers not folly with notions of high skill alone. A great deal can be said for good old happenstance, its mercy is where all mastery lies.
On to more pressing cogitation, you see there is supreme being; but from that we are not separate. Creation was created in the same way that we witness every moment of the day. All things go through these ‘times’, and the completion of a ‘time’; when spoken of is referred to as an event. Events are things of wonder, it is no surprise when you are riveted in recognition; a surreal sense is attached to it. Everything is very much alive, and dancing around us. We as man, hold only so much external control, and are bitter of our shortcomings. Let us be honest with ourselves, we hold the measure of what is good or evil.
Eternity is the vast expanse of not just perceptual time, not just the sum of all that is, all that every was, or all that can ever be; but of the constant trans-fluctuation. A pulsating swell and surge of matter transmuting into energy, that energy collapsing back into matter. All things possible and impossible exist here, a literal nebula of transcendent potential. This is the absolute of all; the Zero Current. All things came from this, all things go to this; and beyond the illusionary concept of separation, we still belong to this. At this level all things are impossible to determine, manifesting by pure happenstance. Some might call this pure ‘Will’ or primal chaos. Eternity is described in three parts (material – transmutation – energy); each face is not separate from the other two. Eternity cross through all of the other cosmoses, animating them.
Microcosm is simply the smallest level we can talk about things from. Microcosm is placed next in the sequence because it is the first subordinate to the will of Eternity. The fibers in the threads that weave the layers of mesh; taking absolute definition. These finite pixels shape three dimensional existence. This is where mankind and all other things begin. Here we find the Laws of Three emerge. Positive – Neutral – Negative, Cause – Action – Effect, Accept – Consider – Deny, and Width, Depth, Height are just a few of the examples of a functional cosmos of mechanism. This is our first progression. The breath of consciousness. All forms of being, understanding, and state begin here. Pictured above is the direct connection with the macrocosm and world. It cross through the connection between being and universe, solar system and universe, and all three states of eternity. The internal composition of being.
Being is the fact of existence. It is an active state, and for our purposes; a purely organic state. It is the absolute system of any set of interrelated microbes. In man this is the entirety of our physical body. As being emerges in the universe, it is influenced by the laws of microcosm and macrocosm through the world. Being represents three dimensional existence with the ability to move outside of our internal space. Being is concerned with emotions, domination and submission strategies, territory, reproduction, and generally reaching the constant state of self actualization (Maslow).
to be continued…
I have come to the idea that man struggles falsely for the attainment of enlightenment and godhood. That instead of embracing his two fold nature as flesh and spirit, he is distracted and wishes to be something other than what he is (or is capable of becoming). I think man should focus on becoming man and understand that not only is he mortal but he misunderstands all things of a supernatural level. Spirit in my eyes is closer to a ‘memeplex’ than it is to how it is commonly perceived. Man is not born with a spirit but if he works in the right way may develop one. In this I believe we can now understand the term ‘possession’ with more clarity, as the type of spirit I am talking about can be found taking possession. Some men that I believe developed a spirit (and only a few of many) are:
Robert the Bruce
Alexander the Great
They are only a few from my list, but they all had the ability to presence themselves and their ideas both separately and synonymously to the level that they still infect us to this day. It isn’t uncommon to hear someone say something like “In the Spirit of Shakespear, I think this, that, or the other.”
These people invoked passion in their audience and can drive them to a particular emotional state which is then obviously very suggestible. To do this man must temper himself. He must think on 7 different levels. He must hold all things to its respected vectors, each thing from its level to its own. Those levels are as follows:
Eternity – Gurdjieff’s Absolute in the Ray of Creation – World 1 – The 9 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Universe – The Zero Current – Eternity – Life – Primitive – Ancestral – Origin – Before – Having No Definition – Will (or Pure Will) – Impossible to determine
Great Cosmos – All worlds in the Ray of Creation – World 3 – Governed by the Laws of Macrocosm and Eternity – The Universe as 8 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Macrocosm – Existence – Life in Universe – Sacred – Definition – Deity – Not impossible to determine – Preserved Whole – Transformation – Ultimate State of Being – Transcendence – Reality – Mystery – Divine – First Existence – Three Forces
Macrocosm – Starry World or the Milky Way – World 6 in the Ray of Creation – Governed by the Laws of The Solar System and Great Cosmos – The Galaxy as 7 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Solar System – Zero Current of Universe – Xeno – Life in Galaxy – The Large Scale – Elemental Existence – Wonder – Six Forces
Solar System – The Sun – World 12 in the Ray of Creation – All things Possible for the Solar System are realized in Eternally – This is Man in his Symbolic Mind – Governed by the Laws of The Earth and Macrocosm – The Solar System as 6 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Earth – The Zero Current of Galaxy – Life in Solar System – Celestial Existence – Sky – Spirit – Animate – 12 Months – Twelve Forces – The Symbolic (Nuero-Semantic-Dexterity) Circuit (The Rational Mind) Imprinted by human artifacts and symbol systems. Concerned with handling the environment, invention, calculation, prediction, building a “map” of the universe etc. It is associated with physical dexterity and caffeine, speed, cocaine and a high-protein diet activate this circuit. This circuit supposedly appeared first when hominids started differentiating from the rest of the primates
Earth – Representative of the Planetary World or All Planets – World 24 in the Ray of Creation – All things Possible for The Earth are realized in the Great Cosmos – Governed by Laws of Man and Solar System – The Earth is 5 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Man – The Zero Current of Solar System – Eden – Life on Earth – Organic Life – 24 Hours – Twenty-Four Forces
Man – All things Possible are realized in the Macrocosm – Governed by the Laws of Microcosm and Macrocosm – The Man as 4 Dimensional Existence – The Absolute of Atom – The Zero Current of Earth – Adam – One Base – Three values +1 – Forty-Eight Forces – The Emotional-Territorial Circuit (Freud’s Ego) Imprinted in the toddling stage, concerned with emotions, domination and submission strategies, territory etc. The first imprint on this circuit identifies the stimuli which will automatically trigger dominant, aggressive behavior or submissive, co-operative behavior. This circuit is activated with abundant quantities of alcohol. This circuit appeared first in territorial vertebrate animals. This circuit introduces a 2nd dimension; up/down
Microcosm – The Atom – All things Possible are Realized in the Solar System – The Atom or Microbe is 3 Dimensional Existence – The Zero Current of Man – Polar +1 – Positive + Neutral + Negative – Cause + Action + Effect – Manifestation – Ninety-Six Forces – Moon – Outer Darkness – Electromagnetic – Mechanical World – The Final Division – The Bio-survival Circuit (The Breath of Consciousness) Imprinted in infancy, concerned with suckling, nourishment, cuddling, bio-security, etc. The imprinting of this circuit sets up the basic attitude of trust or suspicion which will last for life. First activated when a human being is born, and programs perception onto an either-or grid, divided into nurturing-helpful and noxious-dangerous (approach/accept vs. flight/flee). Leary thinks that this circuit is stimulated in adults by opioid drugs. This circuit is said to have appeared in the earliest evolution of invertebrate brain. This circuit begins with 1 spatial dimension, forward/back.
There is of course more information to the above, but In order to keep this short; I’ll keep it short in relative terms. There exists or I have developed methods of negotiating in each of these levels. However I’m unsure now as to what further to flush out for you. Obviously the microbe world meets resistance from the Laws of the Solar System, and then within that gives rise to the manifestations of Man and Earth. Each level is subject to the laws of the one just above and the one just below it. An example might be a cold (microbe) or a hurricane (earth), is directly effecting Man. What then is my end goal? Man self-actualizing (Maslow), and becoming a trans-personal consciousness (Adept) than can in fact affect change on a Earthly level using the power of spirit.
Work on a recent section of my up and coming book led me to doing some research on the methods historians use for verifying accuracy. This was important in my research because so many “traditions” roam abroad with unsupported claims of ancient roots. I’m sharing this with you fine folks because it may help you decide which systems are worth working in and which are not. After all if the system is based in lies, you can only expect any claims of potential gain are also based in lies. Given the short lifespan we have and the fact that most of us were not born into this pursuit, time is precious.
Time brings us to our first point of measure when dealing in authenticating a system as ancient. Olden-Jørgensen and Thurén state that the closer the evidence examined is to the event it claims to describe, the more likely it is that we can trust the evidence given.
In the case of physical evidence (i.e. a plate, stone, or any other tangible item) this is more than obvious. As an example let us just pretend someone has found a spear which they claim was used by early Mesopotamian hunters. After undergoing the process of carbon dating it is revealed that this spear could not be any older than the end of the Roman Empire. We can confidently conclude that it is highly unlikely that this spear existed in it’s “claimed” time period.
What about narrative evidence? Can the same type of measure be given? It certainly can! However a greater degree of difficulty is presented in this type of verification and so a number of procedures have been proposed. Bernheim and Langlois & Seignobos proposed a 7 step system and Garraghan gives 6 steps. It would seem there are many options available to establishing a method of verification. In this light I’ve sought a common field of variables and comprised my own list.
* Proximity of Origin
* Greater Value of Testimony
* Tendency of Bias
* Detail vs General Analysis
* Reference Verification
* Plausibility Verification
* Linear Relativity
* Statisical Relativity
* Analogical Function
As to not entirely bore you fine folks with exasperating detailed descriptions, I will sum each up with a brief sentence or two.
Proximity of Origin – The length of time between the actual occurrence and it’s testimony. It is completely different when dealing with a narrative account from someone who was present during the occurrence versus someone who is trying to reconstruct it a hundred years later.
Greater Value of Testimony – Are there a large number of separate accounts from separate individuals? Do they all agree on ALL the points in consideration?
Tendency of Bias – Is there a set of circumstances which would cause the petitioner of the testimony to be biased to the occurrence? If so, what is the likelihood of the petitioner maintaining a neutral presentation?
Detail Vs General Analysis – Are ALL accounts detailed? If not is there a larger percentage that are detailed or general?
Reference Verification – Can the data presented be verified by sources of authority? How much empirical evidence can be gathered to support the reference.
Plausibility Verification – Is it reasonable to have occurred? Are the existing external conditions for its plausibility present?
Linear Relativity – Does the sequence of events leading up to and continuing afterward present its situation as relative? For instance the claim that Jesus was born between the time of Washington’s Presidency and Adam’s Presidency is clearly retarded.
Statistical Relativity – This deals more with gray areas (situations in which there is conflicting data) and can be utilized by comparison of higher statistical probability. This is obviously using hard science to measure the likelihood of the occurrence.
Analogical Function – When dealing with things of metaphor, one must measure the application of the metaphor during it’s historical period. Obviously the Xtian’s metaphor for “Feeding the Five Thousand” has nothing to do with biological cloning of fish and bread.
As it stands now this is my method. In contrast prior to my committal of this to my book, I’d like you folks to examine it or try it out and help me refine this.
My 33rd year of life was magical. It was a time of quest and introspective thinking. It isn’t that I had never been deep or adventurous before then. Actually it has always been my nature, but I am also adept in self-discipline. From the outside looking in this may seem like a winning set of personality traits, that’s from the outside.
I suppose before I get any further along in my point, you should first hear my confession. Maybe it was genetics, maybe it was the abuse I suffered in childhood, maybe mother didn’t hug me enough, or maybe I was just an undisciplined brat kid, who didn’t like it hearing no; point being, as long as I can remember I’ve had a wicked temper. I can remember things just going black and coming through later to witness the damage I had done. Blood, busted doors, walls kicked in, hurt feelings, and other miscellaneous actions or words spoken; and I could never take them back. I wasn’t really sure where it all came from, but it was there; and it was going to destroy me. Something would fill me up so quickly, seizing the helm with lightning storm like fury. Reason, rationality, and compassion were unattainable; I became rage incarnate. It is because of this I know man can be possessed.
To not labor too much more on this, I suppose it is fair to say; despite my actions I was not looking for a life of solitude. I wasn’t the only one that was tired of my shit, and before I knew it, I was sitting across from a latent mindfucker. This guy was trying to get deep into me. Maybe it was because this guy sat like a lady riding a horse, or the fact that he licked his lips whenever I talked; I just refused to let this guy do his job. I knew his job was to help me open up and figure out for myself what was making me so angry. I couldn’t help it he gave me the creeps, but I did have a moment of brilliance from the experience; why couldn’t I look into myself and figure it out?
That is what I began doing, this 14 year old boy; began a journey to which he would never return from. That adept discipline I mentioned earlier, was directly a result of this psychonautic alchemy. I remember thinking, as I walked out of Dr. Epstein’s office, to myself; this guy is a real head-trip who really gives me the creeps. There were a few times where he had gotten me to start letting my guard down, that made me feel vulnerable. I really did not like that one bit. The fact that he literally made my skin crawl. I wondered if his wife knew, he was into young males. I really can’t say for certain, but I still to this day, cannot shake the hunch that it was the case. The relevance of that fact isn’t prominent regardless. What is important here, is that I imagined the potential for misuse in the man’s technical training. After all folks who’ve have little to no understanding of human psychology, could be easily manipulated. Once again, why couldn’t I do it myself.
It seemed reasonable to me to change any one thing about myself, I would have to do it in three stages. Study, formulate, and act upon. I began studying the periods of rage. Looking for what triggers them, any commonalities shared by them, and what made them so intense. To solve this problem, I would have to know myself. This skill I would continue to hone for the next 19 years. The end result of it led to the development of a process which I will further explain through out this website.